Kebana t'Stihau-ve
by Bluejay Blaze
Summary: The Monster Trio find something unusual while exploring a jungle island. Robin is called in for her expertise.


"Where are you guys going?"

Luffy looked up at the ship from his place on Zoro's back. "I smell adventure," he said, as if that explained everything.

"But the log's gonna reset in fifteen minutes!"

Sanji leapt down after his wayward crewmates. "Don't worry Nami-swan, I'll make sure Captain and Marimo don't get lost."

"Like a perv like you's any good in the jungle," Zoro grumbled. This normally would've earned him a kick to the head; however, his rubber captain was in the way, so Sanji spared him.

The so-called Monster Trio marched off into the forest, Luffy shouting directions at random intervals. Sanji did his best to mark the trees as they went along, otherwise the three men would never find their way back. Not that he expected either the swordsman or the captain to care.

Moving inland, the jungle became steadily damper and darker, until they were walking through a swamp. Slimy moss stretched between the twisting trees, and the ground gained the consistency of a damp sponge. Sanji smirked and lit his cigarette.

"Oi, Moss-ball, looks like we found your family." The cook pointed at a particularly sludgy ball of green. Seconds later he ducked, as his captain was thrown at his head.

"Shut up Dartboard!" Zoro drew two of his swords. The two were about to go at it for the third time that day when they were interrupted by a hyperactive squeal. Luffy flew back towards them, a trail of goo following him through the air.

"Sanji! Zoro! I found food!"

The rubber man slammed into a tree face first. It didn't seem to faze him, as he was immediately on his feet and running deeper into the swamp. Just before he got out of sight, a gigantic tentacle slammed down in front of him. It was followed by an enormous... Thing.

"That's not food you idiot!" Zoro and Sanji shouted in unison. The creature, which looked like a cross between an octopus and a dragon, scooped Luffy up and squeezed. A normal person would have died; Luffy just sort of, well, squished. And laughed.

Zoro jumped into the air and cut Luffy free, rolling behind a tree as he landed. Sanji was also in hiding, but Luffy... Luffy grinned and, one Gum-Gum Rocket later, was sitting on the thing's head.

"Tsina! Bjokd!" Apparently the beast was capable of speech, though it was no language the pirates had ever heard before. Given the situation though, they were fairly certain they were being cursed at.

"I'll make that thing into takoyaki!" Sanji snarled. Flames licked up his leg as he ran at the monster, leaping to deliver a powerful kick. The blow landed- and stuck. Sanji slammed face first into the monster's sticky, slimy body, his foot held firmly in place by mucous. A small spot of charring was the only sign his attack had had any effect.

"Stupid Love-Cook," Zoro grumbled, "That's not one of your girls." Racing up a nearby tree, Zoro prepared to cut Sanji free. He was blocked mid-leap by a tentacle wrapping around his waist.

"Shit!" Zoro moved to cut the tentacle, but another wrapped around his wrists. The beast lifted the swordsman to its mouth and opened its jaws. Fangs as long as swords dripped inches from Zoro's face, stinking of rotten fish.

"No!" A massive rubber fist smashed down on the creature's head, snapping its mouth closed before it could bite Zoro. "Zoro is not for eating!"

Two pirates were sent tumbling through the air as the creature collapsed and went limp. The third, still stuck, was nearly pinned beneath the slimy body. Only a quick snap of rubber arms saved the cook from being crushed. All three adventurers landed on a squarish, moss covered rock some distance away.

Wiping sticky slime off his face, Sanji glared at Luffy. "I'm not cooking _that_. Find something else."

"Okay." Luffy dropped to the ground, then froze. An unusually serious look came over his face. "Sanji, get Robin."

"What? Why?"

"This is one of her funny rune rocks. She needs to come read it so it can help with her dream."

"Alright, I'm on it." The cook took off through the swamp, leaving Luffy and Zoro to guard the poneglyph.

It wasn't long before Sanji returned with Robin. A small smile adorned her face, and she got right to work on translating. As she read, Robin slowly blushed redder and redder. Soon she was almost purple; Zoro wondered if she was choking, but Robin's breathing sounded fine.

A trickle of red ran down from Robin's nose, nearly throwing Sanji into a panic. He hated seeing either of his precious mellorines hurt. The cook wasn't sure if nosebleeds meant the same for girls as they did for him, and he dared not touch her to find out. He wouldn't dare sully Robin with the creature's slime.

Luffy bounced around like the rubber ball he was. "Well, what is it? Is it something cool? Something important?"

Robin's eyes were glazed when she turned to her captain. "It's- gay porn," she said, before passing out in his arms.

**A/N: This was written by myself and a friend on one of our crazy whims. Another possible title was "The Pornoglyph," but we decided that gave too much away, so we gave it a name in a made up language instead. Pretend it's the language on the poneglyphs.**


End file.
